i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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