I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
