sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
