I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
