I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
