Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
