god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
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I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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