she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
