I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
