either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
