i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
