I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
