When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
