Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
