i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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