dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
