took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize