Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
