Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
