I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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