I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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