I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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