tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His hands were made for my vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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