Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
