yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
