and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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