Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm always down for nudity.
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