so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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