having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
