i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
