WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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