There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize