my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
