these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
