Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you would pick up someone in the library
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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