I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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