Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
