Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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