Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
