I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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