Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
