if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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