whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
