from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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