I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
