i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize