I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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