When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
