She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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