3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
