the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
