her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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