if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
