Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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