I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
