I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
