I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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