Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
