not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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