I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drake has all the answers
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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