K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
