The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
