Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
