Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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