Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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