He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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