She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
