I'm gonna have a badass scar
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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