I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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