the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
