Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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