And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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