i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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