So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Houston, we have a squirter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
