This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
