Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
