I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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