She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
