dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
