Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
